I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
