its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
