Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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