tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
