help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize