WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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