I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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