I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
