i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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