the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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