i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize