areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
