I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I think I just sharted jello shots
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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