you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
