My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
