Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
