i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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