I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
