nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I love you. Go after that dick
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
