Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
