She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You're like the curious george of whores
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
