After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
