when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
