she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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