alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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