My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
