she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Even my vagina gasped.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
