It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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