Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
