idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize