I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
either way he was missing a nipple.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
