More tranny stories later!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
