Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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