Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
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