I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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