Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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