first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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