your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
