How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
