May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
