I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My feet surprised me
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
