i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
