just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
