I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
