I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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