At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
