is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
