her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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