I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize