I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
