what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
