i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
