oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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