i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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