I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
