Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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