i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
