another moral hangover. fuck.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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