dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
