Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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