she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
