my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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