I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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