shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
