I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We need to get me chipped asap
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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