I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
