I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The beer is more important than you right now.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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