please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
