Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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