From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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