Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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