She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
