you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
