if you like me you must not know who I am
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
