I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
