i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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