This dress was meant to end up on your floor
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
