Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
