if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
