and you said cock pushups were impossible
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
