no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
