You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize