some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
