I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
