i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
