I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize