WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
