I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
