He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize