Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
