I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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